What to do when you’re struggling

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I am not in the best of headspaces. I tried to get an appointment with a doctor for my gallbladder, sooner than the 25th of July. But, apparently because I am “only category 2” (which is the second highest category for the public system) I am not considered “urgent”.

The only way I may get my category bumped up, is if I continue to turn up to the ER whenever I have pain. But as any person who has any knowledge about cholecystitis (Acute Inflamed Gallbladder) and the variety of pain associated, will know that unless I am having a severe attack (known as “Biliary Colic” or “gallbladder attack”, when a gallstone gets temporarily lodged in the bile duct and the body attempts to dislodge it. The pain has been compared to childbirth) and am writhing around in agony, I will wait for hours in the ER waiting room and then be sent home with paracetamol (which does nothing).

The last time I considered going to the ER for an attack (actually 3 attacks in the space of 4 hrs), I called an ambulance at 6am, and by 7am no one had arrived (and I had explained the severe pain, my cholecystitis and the fact I need my fucking gallbladder removed!) so I just rang back and said to forget it.

I’m having pretty much consistent pains. But while they are quite painful, they are not “bad enough” that going to the hospital will do anything.

And this is just a small part of my physical issues. And I’m not going to go into my emotional shit that’s happening.

I’m just so tired. When is it supposed to get better?