Of shoes and ships, and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings!

Hard to see, my cavernous room lit by my Disney Princess – pink of course – nightlight that my sister gave me many years ago.

Today has been hard. Nothing to do with TMS, the other treatment I am here for: trauma. 

Again, I did not go into details, I can’t, but my doctor asked yes/no questions, which I couldn’t look him in the eye when I nodded or shook my head. Words aren’t always necessary to convey pain and fear.

I have found a chatartic release in making jewellery with curse words in them. Trying to think of the best name to call the type of style: it’s little kid (usually associated with girls) plastic jewellery, in pastel, bright and glittery stars, hearts and round beads. The current stash of letter beads I have access to are missing ‘e’ and ‘a’ beads. So most of the jewellery is currently using ‘u’ and ‘r’ as ‘you’ and ‘are’, BUT I have three different types of letter beads so things will be back to proper grammar and spelling soon.

I made a bracelet that says ‘fuck off fuck off’ so I can wear it and let people know how I feel.

So pretty plastic jewellery with curse words. ‘Mature Unicorn Jewels’? Any suggestions.

I am unable to stop crying.

I’ve had all the PRN.

Some wounds will never heal, some pains won’t be helped with medication, or time or speaking or anything. Something’s just are. And will be the way they are forever.

I am so tired. I am so tired. And I am in such fear for my innocent nephew. Secrets, secrets have a way of coming out.

Please can someone tell me things will be okay? I don’t care if it’s a lie. I don’t care if it’s an emoji or smiley face. Just please, kind people, tell me everything will eventually be okay.


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