I’m battling for my life

I’m battling for my life. Against myself.

It seems easy to think that an illness of the mind can be cured, because it’s in the mind, so does it even exist?

There are some people who believe that the mind and the brain are one. That the thoughts whirling around my ‘mind’ as I attempt to lie down to sleep, as I try and focus on something outside of my ‘mind’ and make necklaces with the swear words in them, as I try try try to tell myself that I am a good person. And not go over and over and over in my ‘mind’ the things I’ve done wrong or blame myself for everything bad that happened. These thoughts are simply electrical currents in the brain. Synapses firing off like so many guns at the shooting range.

So, according to these people, I simply need to change the way my brain fires the currents across. Perhaps the parts of my frontal lobe that supposedly control my emotions and thoughts, have stopped working and need the correct treatment to ‘hit the reset button’.

And maybe I need medication to replace the neurotransmitters that my brain has some how not been able to make enough of to function correctly, medication to build that up again.

I don’t believe the brain and mind are one. I follow Descartes belief that the brain and mind are separate from each other. This idea is referred to as ‘Dualism’.

I may be able to correct the ‘mechanical’ imperfections of my brain, make sure my neurotransmitters are flowing and plentiful, make sure my frontal lobe has had all the reset buttons pressed and rebooted, but if I don’t fix the other half of the equation, I won’t ever be free.

That’s just the physical part of my illness. There is no MRI or any other scan to show how my mind looks.

This did not make much sense.


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