Am I stone or flesh?
I just had my second treatment. It occurred to me, as I sat in the chair, as still as anything, listening to the Harry Potter audio book, staring at the stupid ugly waterfall picture on the opposite wall: am I real or imaginary?
I could feel my life force draining from my extremities, as it left each individual blood vessel, I felt colder and colder. Staring. Staring. Just staring.
The nurse, bless her cotton socks, kept asking if I was okay. Perhaps because it was only my second treatment, or perhaps because I must have looked strange, sitting there, staring dead ahead and not blinking.
I felt my heart shrink slightly. It got a little bit smaller. Just a teeny bit, but I felt the light in my eyes vanish. I can feel the deep cold. I can feel the cold spreading over me, filling the spaces left empty by my soul. My heart hurts. It hurts so much that it’s frozen everything else. And soon, my heart will be stone and I will cease to exist.
I’m turning into cold, hard stone.