And Here We Go Again…

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Renci de Shangdi, qing dai wo zou

(Merciful God please take me away)

Wo xiang mei er, mei xin, bian shitou

(I will close my eyes and and my heart and become a stone)

– River Tam, Serenity


WELL. The above photos show how much can change in 24hrs. The left shows how I was yesterday, during my “life is ok I suppose” short time period. And the right was taken about 20mins ago. Today I got news. News I expected, but not quite so quickly.

So for those who are long time readers/friends, you’ll know “here we go again” means usually one of two things for me: 1. Either I’m on a new medication OR 2. I’m going back inpatient.

Well, HEY THERE BELMONT. NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. Not.

So yes. Monday I will be going into “that” place again. My last admission in March, well it was less than fun. I was withdrawing from Effexor, and well, my admission experience didn’t end well. Long story.

Anyway, I’m going in on Monday for the start of a 20 treatment, 3wk stay for TMS.

Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation.

I have avoided jumping on the “Google-a-tron” because there are just some things that putting into that little box, well sometimes it can just end … badly. And by that I mean, I get paranoid and freaked out and read the wrong things… and yeah.

Short explanation of TMS: Transcrainal Magnetic Stimulation

(This is my layman’s explanation) Basically you wear a helmet thing that is fitted to your head and a magnet is used to stimulate or suppress (depending on the treatment you’re having) blah blah blah.

I don’t care. I don’t want to go in. I KNOW there are a ton of reasons to go, and I AM going, BUT

I DON’T WANT TO GO.

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