Is it just me?

I am shiny because I use coconut oil as moisturiser, and paw-paw ointment for my lips.

I want to know: is it just me?

Am I the only person who is currently lying in bed, terrified to sleep but equally afraid to stay awake?

I am not a person. I stopped being a proper ‘person’, when I ceased functioning on a basic human level. I’m not a person. I don’t know what I am.

I am crazy, that I know. I’m certifiable. And my mood swings are getting scary. I’m having some excessive bouts of aggression. I get overwhelmingly anger – about what I don’t know, though I have a thousand kilometre long list of possible reasons – and it’s terribly frightening.

I just want to be normal. And don’t fucking tell me that ‘there is no normal’. Because I CAN FUCKING ASSURE YOU that the day to day existence I live is NOT like anyone else, and nor in anyway even close to what is considered ‘healthy/happy/a life’.

‘Normal’ people don’t have to cover up the mirrors in their house with towels and paper, just because they get upset looking at themselves in the reflection.

Normal people don’t start crying in the middle of the pharmacy.

Normal people don’t lose track of time and can’t tell if it’s Monday or Thursday without the aid of their phone.

I am not normal. Some might say that’s a good thing, but I don’t want to be this way anymore. I’m so tired.

I foresee a sleepless night tonight.

hummingbirdedited

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2 thoughts on “Is it just me?

  1. I hate not being normal. I hate never fitting in, never feeling like there might be a place for me to belong. Hating my isolated and alone self. But what the hell is normal anyway? And is it normal to ostracise and hate people for being different from the status quo? I hate the way I am but I also hate the way I have been treated by “the normals” because of the stigma that lives in their minds.

    Liked by 1 person

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